Episode 33: Any Dandridge That Ever Wore An Head

Your Most Obedient & Humble Servant
Episode 33 - “Any Dandridge That Ever Wore An Head”
Published on April 19, 2022

Note: This transcript was generated by Otter.ai with light human correction

Kathryn Gehred 

Hello, and welcome to "Your Most Obedient and Humble Servant." This is the Women's History podcast where we feature 18th and early 19th century women's letters that don't get as much attention as we think they should. I'm your host, Katherine Gehred. So, welcome back. This is it. This is the final episode of the Martha Washington's in-laws series. I've had a lot of fun doing this. Last time, we discussed John Custis IV's miserable relationship with his wife. This time, we're discussing how those issues impacted the lives of his children. First of all, I need to bring back our old friend Daniel Parke, he's the guy who was murdered in the West Indies. Remember him? He's relevant to the story again. You might remember that Daniel Parke left a will that gave all of his valuable property in the Leeward Islands, to an infant child, only provided if she went by the last name of Parke, and if anybody eventually married her, they take that last name as well. So he left his property in Virginia and England to his daughters, Francis and Lucy, who he had with his wife, all of his property in the Leeward Islands, he left to an infant, little girl named Lucy. The land that he left to his daughters in Virginia, was not worth a whole lot and had a lot of debts attached to it, so the land really wasn't worth all of the debts that were tied to them. John Custis IV, ended up repaying those debts, as begrudgingly as it is possible to repay a debt. He did it. He actually had to pass an Act of Parliament in order to get permission to sell some of the lands in Britain. There's some debate over whether he actually had to do that, but he went through a lot of trouble, and he sold the lands, and it barely covered anything, and he just barely got any money out of Daniel Parke, which to him, was unacceptable. He tried to put the whole thing behind him in 1715. His wife Frances died, so only five years after her father died, his wife Frances dies, and he never remarried. He wrote that marriage, which he referred to as captivity, quote, "Went hard with me when young, it must be intolerable when otherwise." Now, about 10 years after this, he got a letter from a man named Dunbar Parke. His name was not really Dunbar Parke, he had been born Thomas Dunbar. But he had married little Lucy, Lucy Chester Parke, who at this point was maybe 13 or 14 years old. And there is a lot of doubt over whether she actually was very involved in this marriage or whether this guy was just marrying her for that money, which is a theme in these in-laws episodes. But so yeah, kind of gross. Dunbar Parke sends a letter to John Custis, IV. We don't have the text of that letter, but we can tell pretty much what was going on in it from John Custis' reaction, because Dunbar Parke was writing to ask John Custis for money, because the land that he inherited in the Leeward Islands, also had some debts attached to it., and he said that according to his interpretation of the will, the Virginia daughters got all the debts, and he got all of the land, or little Lucy got all the land. So, he basically calls John Custis and says, 'hey, you've got to repay these debts, or I'm suing you.' John Custis, as you may imagine, did not take this well. I usually quote bits and pieces of this letter, but because this is my podcast, I'm just gonna go ahead and read the whole final paragraph, because it's just an excellent paragraph, and once again, gives you a good understanding of who John Custis, IV was as a person.

"And, find I must still go on to the end of the chapter, and do assure you, sir, I would go to law the whole course of my life spent the last penny I have in the world, rather than I will pay one farthing of your unjust and unreasonable demand, and must beg leave to tell you that you shall not repair your oversights at my cost. I must confess you may give me some trouble and put me to some charge, but depend on it, where you put me to one penny worth you will put yourself to a pound. And when you have done all the play, will not pay for the charge. I have consulted all the able lawyers in our colony and we have some very great men and they all assure me that you know no one for you can recover one farthing of me so that whether you come or stay it will be equal to for I have put myself already to as much charge as I can do, accepting court charges which cannot possibly fall on me, so that I am very well provided for you or Mr. Rodney, come when you please. And I am glad to find you designed to exhibit a bill and chancery against me, which will not be ended in a hurry. And if it be your pleasure first to take up arms, I am fully resolved if God spare me to be the last that shall lay them down. As for your appealing to England, that does not at all frighten me, I know the nature of that as well as any man and thank God have as many friends there as I have in any part of the world, and without ostentation, can find money to give you as much law there is I am determined to give you here. But that must be the work of some years, as for your counsels opinions, to have them I know to be great men, and they have given their opinions very right according to the query you have stated, and so might the most ignorant old woman in your islands, but if they knew the circumstances of the facts, they would tell you another story. As for your taking a troublesome voyage, tis your own fault, I shall go to the law with all the ease in the world, the court being in sight of my door, you say you cannot be disappointed, but I would not have you be so sure of an affair you know nothing of if you and I live, you will tell me another story six or seven years hence." End.

Now I will say that this is the letter book version of that letter, so this might be a little bit more stream of consciousness than what the final letter that John Custis actually sent to this guy was, but, dear God, what a stream of consciousness. It's so good. He is, in summary, if it wasn't clear, Dunbar Parke says, Hey, I'm going to sue you. And John Kosta says, Please, buddy, go ahead and sue me, I've got so much money, I'm going to, I'm going to sue the pants off you. I'm going to countersue you and I don't care if it takes 10 years. So, a lot of what John Custis is banking on is that he has more money than this Dunbar Parke guy, and he's going to be able to ride this suit out for as long as the lawsuit lasts. And he was not wrong. The lawsuit outlived both of them. It outlived everyone involved with this lawsuit. It ended up in the lap of George Washington when he married Martha, the lawsuit still hopping around in the court system. And, actually one of the final law clerks who filed some of the paperwork on it was a young, scrappy Thomas Jefferson who was working for George Wythe with at the time. So why do I bring this up? Mostly because I just want to show how hard it is to get any money at all out of John Custis, IV. John Custis has two children. He has a daughter named Francis, and he has a son named Daniel. In 1731, Francis really wanted to marry a shipmaster named James Bradby. The way Custis writes about it; he thinks that James Bradby was absolutely a con artist who was trying to scam him out of money, Custis agreed and then revoked his permission twice, thinking that Bradby was trying to scam him out of 3000 pounds. And that's possible. But also, James Bradby might have just been asking for dowry. In 1739, eight years later, Francis actually did marry a merchant named William Winch, but Winch in his will, actually left her out. He wrote that he was this is a quote, quote,

"was to have received from John Custis, IV1000 pounds for her marriage portion, said John Custis has absolutely refused to do so. And having not received any portion at all. It is my will to bar said wife of all benefit in my estates real and personal."

And I think she did eventually marry happily, but this just shows some of the struggle that Francis went through trying to find a spouse that her father would approve of and pay any money to. Daniel Parke Custis also tried to marry at least two other women before he met Martha Dandridge including his cousin and Byrd, the daughter of William Byrd, II but in the second case, even dealing with his own brother in law, John Custis, IV could not reach an actual agreement to the marriage.

So, what ends up happening is in his mid to late 20s, Daniel Parke moves out of his father's property in Williamsburg to of course, some of his father's land, but it is plantation land that he has his own house on nearby to where Martha Dandridge grew up in New Kent County. He had about 100 slaves there. He was friendly with Martha's father, and, at the age of 37, which is pretty old to have never been married. There's a lot of, you know, widows and people remarrying at this time, but Daniel Parke had never been married at 37 despite being one of the richest most eligible Bachelors in Virginia, because he couldn't get his Dad to give him any money to do it. At 37, he starts courting the 16 year old Martha Dandridge, you may guess where this is going, John Custis was not happy about it. The document I'm going to read so the previous letter, I just read the paragraph because I love that paragraph. This is the actual document that is the subject of the episode. It is court testimony from a woman named Anne Moody. She was either friends with John Custis, or depending on the source you look at, taking advantage of an old senile man, I think I could go either way on it. I know that John Costas does seem to be losing a little bit of in his old in his old age, but I feel like he's just a tough guy to get any money out of. So, it would be surprising if she was swindling him, they might have just been friends. They could have just been friends who knows. I haven't read enough about Ann Moody. I don't know enough about her to make a call. I'm sure there's somebody at Colonial Williamsburg that's like yelling at their computer screen because they know more about her than I do. So, if you're that person get in touch. This is testimony from a court case that actually took place years later, after Daniel Parke Custis and Martha have already been married, but the time period she's describing is during this courtship period, so that's from 1748 to 1750. Okay, so this is an excerpt from Anne Moody's deposition.

"As to the plate in the Bill mentioned this defendant Anne saith, that about seven or eight years ago, as near as she can remember, the set John Custis, being on his way to the his plantations of his own accord, and without any invitation, called at this defendants house and gave this defendant Anne a silver pipe can which he brought under his morning gown, telling her he had two of them and that one was enough for him that some years after this the said John, of his own accord, called at this defendants house and gave this defendant Anne an old fashioned, deep scalloped silver plate. She says that in the presence of several people whose names she can't at this distance of time recollect when at dinner at his house, the said John Custis of his own accord, gave her a silver marrow spoon that when this defendant was coming home from the said John Custis's house without the said marrow spoon, he without the least hint from this defendant or of any other person to her knowledge, in her behalf reminded her of the said spoon and either fetched or had it fetched and delivered to her that about a year or two before the death of the said John Custis. This defendant was sent for by him to his house, and that when she was come there, the said John Custis, in the presence of John Cavendish and William Cane, open to the place where his plate was kept, and told the defendant he had sent for her on purpose to make her a present of some plate, and after having overhauled it and laying aside some which this defendant understood, had belonged to General Parke, and which the said customers said his son, the complainant, might take a few pleased he offered this defendant in old fashioned silver dish engraved with what these defendants have been informed is an emblem of the four quarters of the world. Also a middle sized silver dish, and six silver plates engraved with three parents on each of them, which these defendants believe was the said John Custis's coat of arms, that this defendant, Anne, first refused to take these things, and endeavored to excuse yourself by telling the said John Costas, she thought he had better gift them to his son, the complainant, and that they were such things as this defendant could have little or no use for. Upon which the said John Custis told her she was an old fool, that unless she would take them he would throw them into the street for anybody to pick up that head of mind for them, that they were his own, that he would dispose of them as he pleased that he had rather this defendant should have them than any Dandridge's daughter, or any Dandridge that ever wore a head. He said that he had not been at work all his lifetime for a Dandridge's daughter, eluding as this defendant understood to a daughter of Mr. John Dandridge of New Kent County to whom the complainant, as this defendant heard, about that time was making his addresses by way of courtship, for which match this defendant had at several times heard the said John Custis expressed a very great dislike imagining, as this defendant has understood that the said Mr. Dandridge's daughter was much inferior to his son, the complainant and point of fortune, this defended Anne saith that as she could not decently resist the said John Custis's earnest solicitations and imagining she had better accepted his offer than that he should throw the plate into the street, which he seemed determined to do. She did except of the several pieces of plates last mentioned, which she ever since both in the lifetime of the set John Costas and after his death did and have always kept in a public room exposed to the view of all persons who visited these defendants house."

So what's happened here? This was actually a lawsuit trying to settle John Custis, IV, estate. Now John Custis was always inheriting and disinheriting Daniel, they were always fighting. He was never sure what he was going to inherit. So, I'm sure he was expecting more silver than he got, and a lot of that silver ended up with Anne Moody. So, this is Anne Moody trying to explain why that happened, and I think making a lot of sense. The way she describes John Custis talking does seem to fit with what we know of John Custis . Her argument is that John Custis only gave her his silver, he lay aside the Parke silver that was to go to Daniel Parke Custis, but his silver, the Custis silver, with his coat of arms on it, which is in fact, a coat of arms with a bunch of parrots, which is fantastic, and the best coat of arms I can imagine. That's all that she got and that Daniel wasn't entitled to that. So, if John Custis was this opposed to the marriage, how on earth did Daniel Parke Custis get his father's permission to marry Martha? We have a letter describing what happens. This is just chocked full of letters. Enjoy this one, we're going out with a bang. This is a letter from Daniel Park Custis's friend, a lawyer James Power, who wrote to him around 1749.

"This comes at last to bring you the news that I believe will be the most agreeable to you have any you ever heard that you may not be long in suspense, I give it to you at once. I am empowered by your father to let you know that he heartily and willingly consents to your marriage with Dandridge that he has so good a character of her that he had rather you should have her than any lady in Virginia. Nay, if possible, he is as much enamored with her character as you are with her person. And this is owing chiefly to a prudent speech of her own hurry down immediately for fear he should change the strong inclination he has, you're marrying directly. I stayed with him a good part of last night and presented your brother Jack with my little Jack's horse bridle and saddle in your name, which is taken as a singular favor. I shall say no more, as I expect to see you soon tomorrow, but conclude that I really am your most obliged and affectionate, humble servant."

So, I love this. He's like, come down now before your dad changes his mind. This brings up the scene of young teenage Martha Dandridge showing up at the house of John Custis and making a prudent speech that totally wins him over. I like to imagine that it was something about like, how frugal she was. Like, she wasn't gonna spend any money at all. Who knows, who knows what this conversation was. But I also think it's interesting, he says, Your brother Jack. Now the surviving version of this letter has the words your brother crossed out. But to someone who has looked at that letter pretty closely as we were transcribing it, the ink looks different for what crossed it out. So it was either that James Power, when he was finished with the letter, decided to cross out the words your brother, or somebody else crossed out your brother later, but your brother Jack is referring to John Custis's mixed race son, John Custis. Jack, who John Custis had at this time, been working on setting up with some property, and freeing and manumitting, part of the legal case that Daniel Parke Custis and Martha are fighting after John Custis, IV, death, is not wanting to have to set up this mixed race free half brother with the property that John Custis, IV, wants to set him up with. So I think that that is a very interesting sentence as well, that he says he gave your brother Jack, my son's at that time I read that actually, I'm not sure if he has a son, but he says my little Jack's horse bridle and saddle in your name, which is taken as a singular favor. So it's kind of an olive branch for Daniel Parke Custis to acknowledge that he has a half brother who's also going to be inheriting property from his wealthy father. So, that is interesting too, again, the complexity of John Custis, IV. John Custis, IV, actually dies before Daniel Parke Custis and Martha Dandridge get married, so he may have actually taken back his permission again. We don't have any evidence of that, but who knows but you just don't honestly know how this worked out. But, Martha at least briefly won him over with her prudent speech, and they were all set to get married. They got married in 1750. After John Custis, IV, dies and asks to have his incredibly insulting tombstone put up. Usually, when people write about Martha Dandridge, they're in a big rush to get to when she meets George Washington, and they have to sum all of this story up in like a couple of sentences. And they're always a wild couple of sentences. I like seeing how people do it, but I think that this is actually way more interesting and fun than Martha's meeting and courtship with George Washington. She's got this whole crazy story with her first husband, before she even marries the first President of the United States. She's a fascinating person.

So, thank you very much for listening. I know it was quite a rant, but I've always wanted to just dig into each of these little bits of the story, and give them as much attention as I think that they do deserve. So, I will post the show notes. Some of the letters I'm quoting, will be published in the edition of Martha Washington's letters that I helped edit, I was on a team of editors to edit that will be coming out this July from the University of Virginia Press. So, if you want to check my my sources on that just wait a couple of months, but a lot of these other sources have already been published. So I'll link you to where those are. So, thank you very much for obliging me on this. I am, as ever, your most obedient and humble servant. Thank you very much.

Kathryn Gehred 

Hi, this is Katie. I just wanted to check in and say hello, it's been a little while since I've checked in with you. There's not a whole lot of new news about what's going on with the podcast, but I just wanted to thank you very much for listening, and subscribing and telling your friends. We've been hitting new download milestones recently, and I just am so happy that other people are finding this podcast interesting. So, feel free to check us out @humservt.com That's our website. You can also follow us on Facebook at Humservt and on Twitter @humservt. Sometimes I post little clips from the episode. Sometimes I make jokes, feel free, it's fun. It's a fun bunch of people that follow. If you're interested in helping the podcast financially, I would be incredibly grateful. You can get to our kofi link on any of those social media pages. So again, thank you very much for listening. I hope you're enjoying the show, and I've got some great episodes coming up for you. So please make sure to subscribe. Alright, bye. Thanks.